My thoughts on the Book Primates of Park Avenue: a Memoir

This is a true story of  Wednesday Martin who lived in friendly west New York and decided to move to the upper east side for her husband’s career. The central character is cast into niche culture of mothers that behave stranger than fiction. Mrs. Martin a former award winning anthropologist makes it her job to observe these alpha moms and integrate into their realm. Mommies on the east side have Birkin bags‚ a hundred thousand dollars a year to spend on beauty and fitness and access to the best schools for their children. These mom’s aren’t just raising children they are climbing the socialite ladder and enhancing their pack status. At first Wednesday gets totally ignored by these hyper W.A.S.P’s‚ they systematically snub her in the hallways of school‚ deny her play-dates with their children‚ and won’t even respond with a simple hello back. The women of the Upper East Side crave status and make every daily activity a networking opportunity. Anthropology which is the “comparative study of human societies and cultures and their development‚” the author of the book reached back to her roots and decided to turn her pursuit of acceptance into a scientific study of these Mom’s and their surrounding culture. After months of observing from a distance fate intervenes when an alpha elite East Side father asks to have a play-date with Wednesday’s’ son in the public hallways at school. Wednesday goes from outsider looking in‚ to stranger in a strange land as these wealthy mom’s begin to let her come to luncheons and activities. They slowly begin to accept her into their circle and she starts mimic their behaviors. They still hold her at an arm’s length and can be rude to her at times. However‚ her son is getting to play with other children and that’s what matters to her. Fate strikes again when a tragic loss occurs in the author’s life and the women put down their shields of armor and come running to give her support. She is shocked by how the women are compassionate and empathetic. She goes into detail about the women going to the best exercise classes‚ eating six hundred calories a day‚ having to look like a million bucks just to drop their child off at school‚ and having to be apart of the best charities so they can keep climbing the social ladder. These women are suppose to be defect-less‚ and achieve this standard of perfection that no one can meet without having anxiety or a full on meltdown. She talks about women using wine‚ prescription drugs‚ exercising‚ to feed off the pressure to stay on top. Multiple ideas came up for me in this book. I do not have children yet so I can not speak to wanting your child to have the best and fit in. However‚ I can see why a person would want that.

I wrote a paper in college on how the affects of our society have on women to be perfect looking‚ skinny‚ and attractive. That if you are not wearing the designer clothes or a size zero you’re not worthy. I played into this facade when I was a teenager and it turned into an obsession and a full on eating disorder. I thought I had to be thin and beautiful to be loved and worthy. I worked out obsessively‚ ate few calories a day‚ and when I couldn’t handle starving myself I would binge and throw up. Of course these women that Wednesday Martin observe in this book are full of anxiety and using unhealthy ways to fuel their stress.  It is an insane warped cycle that will not make you feel on top of the world. In the end‚ I felt sad‚ alone‚ powerless‚ and I hated myself. Until I got help‚ I knew I did not have to live that way anymore. When I hear these women driving themselves to the brink of insanity to  achieve all these things it makes me melancholy. There is another way to live.

Apart of this book that depressed me was that the observentees felt had they had to compete with each other. Whoever had the admirable birkin bag‚ a child who got into the prestigious school‚ and the women who knew all the important people were winning at life. For some it is all they know and they May not know there is another way. I have felt that innate need to compete when I was younger and in my early 20’s living in Scottsdale‚ Arizona. I was hanging around women who spent 200 hundred dollars on their hair‚ bought expensive bags‚ and went out to the popular nightclubs in Scottsdale while living on a salary that could not afford these luxuries. While barely paying my bills. That is how low my self-esteem was. It makes me heavy hearted because I know that all this does is bring shame. I now am all about empowering women and lifting each other up. I enjoy my friend’s successes and want to see them flourish. Do I still get insecure? Yes. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. However‚ I enjoy my new way of life and am happier. I do think it is fun to dress up‚ going shopping with your girlfriends‚ and relish in each other’s  gifts and creativity. To snub women for not having the right clothes‚ status‚ perfect body‚ perfect school for a child‚ and enough money to be apart of the club is extreme and at times cruel. 

I am grateful to Wednesday Martin who wrote this book. It makes you ponder long after you have read it. I highly recommend it and I related to multiple subjects in the book. Such as of not fitting in‚ striving to be the best‚  and longing to be accepted. I picked this book for my book club in April and I will revisit this book again in another blog post. I will let you know how the discussion went and what others thought. 

You can find Wednesday Martin’s book‚

Primates of Park Avenue: A Memoir

on amazon.com.    Or you can go to her website and learn about the author at http://wednesdaymartin.com/ . 

The picture of the book is not mine and from the website http://www.ew.com/article/2015/06/16/primates-of-park-avenue-casting