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My favorite guru and the life lessons he has taught me

One of my favorite spiritual teachers is Anthony De Mello‚ a Jesuit priest‚ psychologist‚ and spiritual leader. My husband came home with a book one day called The Way to love‚ by Anthony De Mello. His friend had high praises of this book and said it had great spiritual teachings and was filled with wisdom. When I began reading the novel I instantly knew it was different from anything else I have read before.

When I finished The Way to Love I searched other books by Anthony De Mello. My favorite book of his is Awareness‚ The Perils and opportunities of Reality by Anthony De Mello. This book helped me with my debilitating fear of failure‚ trying new things‚ learning to say no to people‚ and battling my anxiety.

A quote from the book that helped me is on page fifty seven in the book Awareness. It is from the chapter How Happiness Happens.

“You will fear no one and you will fear nothing. Isn’t that extraordinary? You’ll live like a king‚ like a queen. This is what means to live like royalty. Not rubbish like getting your picture in the newspapers or having a lot of money. That’s a lot of rot. You fear no one because you’re perfectly content to be nobody. You don’t give a damn about success or failure. They mean nothing. Honor‚ disgrace‚ they mean nothing! If you make a fool of yourself‚ that means nothing either. Isn’t that a wonderful state to be in! Some people arrive at this goal painstakingly‚ step by step‚ through months of weeks of self-awareness. But I’ll promise you this: I have not known a single person who gave time to being aware who didn’t see a difference in a matter of weeks. The quality of their life changes‚ so they don’t have to take it on faith anymore. Get rid of your fear of failure‚ your tensions about succeeding‚ you will be yourself. Relaxed. You wouldn’t be driving with your breaks on. That’s what would happen.”

When I read that last part I realized I was constantly driving with my brakes on. I was running around with so much fear and anxiety I could not see it. I had been trying to go to college for eleven years. I would go to school‚ take a full load of classes‚ and drop out a month into the semester. No one in my family had ever gone to college. For some reason‚ I had this false notion that I was not smart enough to get a degree. I started going back to school at the age of 26. I would take a few classes here and there and actually make it through the semester and pass. Then when I got married my husband said I should finish my associate’s degree. He said I could do it and the only thing holding me back was my fear and my false sense of self. I went back to school and the first year I had so much anxiety. My fear of failure was so high that it caused me panic. That is when I found Anthony De Mello. I would read that passage over and over again. When I had to take public speaking I was mortified to get up in front of the class. There were multiple times that I wanted to give up. I would recite that passage in my head and it would help me to get up there and say my speech. Sweating and having sweaty palms‚ on the brink of fainting‚ I made it through. Anthony De Mello made me realize that no one is thinking about you. Most people are worried about their speech or their day to day lives. I learned it was ok to try and fail. My first speech was horrible. Of Course it would be because it was my first time taking a public speaking class. That didn’t matter. What mattered is I got up there and did it. I stuck with the class and finished with a high B. That first year of going back to college was filled with thoughts of failure and anxiety. Little by little my mind began to change and the thoughts of fear and failure began to leave. I began to not care of what others thought of me‚ ask for help when I needed it‚ and actually go to class not filled with exploding amounts of anxiety.

Anthony De Mello’s book helped face the fear of public speaking and realize there is nothing to be scared of . The fear will pass if I stay with my emotions and ride the wave. On page eighty in Awareness Anthony De Mello says‚ “There is a depression there right now‚ or fear or anxiety‚ but let it be‚ leave it alone. Everything passes‚ everything.” When I stopped identifying with fear as who I am rather than a feeling that will pass it stopped having so much power over me. Granted‚ I am human and will always face trepidation but the difference is it doesn’t run my life anymore. I am not held back from exploring life.  Anthony De Mello says in so many words‚ “wake up! Get on with the business of living. There is a whole world out there.” I am ready to live.

You can find all of Anthony De Mello’s books at amazon.com.